Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Welcome to Aging Gayfully. We're about adventure, leisure, travel, being a citizen of the world, traveling to destinations, and being a part of the global community as we age and prosper in body, mind and spirit.
[00:00:30] Speaker B: Welcome to Aging Gayfully. I'm Josh.
[00:00:33] Speaker A: And I am Chris.
[00:00:37] Speaker B: Hi, Chris. How are you doing? It's been a couple weeks since we talked, Josh.
[00:00:41] Speaker A: Yeah, you've, you've been busy.
Well, yes, very, very busy.
[00:00:49] Speaker B: But aren't we all busy? Are you still too busy? Are you still acting?
[00:00:54] Speaker A: You know, I, I've had some voiceover gigs last couple of weeks.
Haven't had any additional roles here recently. But, you know, it was funny you mentioned that because I've been on my, my gig account here today, just kind of updating with the latest voiceovers and commercials, home commercials I've done.
[00:01:17] Speaker B: So nice.
[00:01:18] Speaker A: But I'm, you know, I'm, I'm for hire. Well, for some things, but, yeah, it's fun.
[00:01:27] Speaker B: So I have a question for you, and this is not a joke, this is a genuine question. I was scrolling through social media, as I do probably a little bit too often, but we're not here to talk about that.
And I saw a couple of, of gentlemen in a podcast kind of like this set up, you know, talking to each other, and they were genuinely trying to figure out what the most common name for gay men is.
And so I, they gave their answer. Right. And then I, I, I texted my friend Refine, Gay Jeff to get his answer.
[00:02:07] Speaker A: Refine Gay Jeff.
[00:02:09] Speaker B: Oh, you'll have to meet Refine Gay Jeff. He's.
[00:02:12] Speaker A: What, what do you text your friends about me?
[00:02:16] Speaker B: About you?
[00:02:17] Speaker A: Just tell me. So if it's refined Gay Jeff. What, what is, you know, what, what, what would it be my nickname?
[00:02:26] Speaker B: The, the bowling champion of the universe, Chris.
[00:02:31] Speaker A: I'll go over, I'll run with that. I like that.
[00:02:36] Speaker B: So I got his answer.
What, what would you say the most common name for gay men?
Now, I don't know that there's any research behind this. I just think it's fascinating, a fascinating thing to think about.
[00:02:51] Speaker A: Well, you know, as I'm prone to do in my circle of life here, I'm prone to say, well, I think it's different for different generations.
[00:03:02] Speaker B: Okay, well, let's just go for right now, since this is where we are right now.
[00:03:07] Speaker A: Yeah.
You know, I just have to say that, you know, it's a good question. I usually I have something right off the top of my bald head, but today I kind of stumbled to say, you know, what, what would be a Common description of a gay man. And I would, I would just make it simple and just say, he's a gay man.
[00:03:42] Speaker B: Okay, well, I was wondering about a name.
[00:03:45] Speaker A: So name.
[00:03:47] Speaker B: Yeah, the common name for gay men. Like just what the most common.
I'm looking for an actual proper name like Josh or Chris.
[00:03:59] Speaker A: Oh, oh, okay. I didn't. Okay. If you see.
[00:04:03] Speaker B: Oh, you meant like a slang term.
[00:04:06] Speaker A: Yeah, common name for. For.
[00:04:10] Speaker B: No, just like these days, common name for most common name. Kevin. Do you know a lot of gay Kevin's?
[00:04:20] Speaker A: I know a few. Yeah. Okay.
[00:04:21] Speaker B: Okay. So my, My friend Refine Gay Jeff said, I saw a podcast last week that addressed this very question. Well, that was the podcast that turns out that I was referencing, he said, and their research led them to answer this specific name that I'm about to tell you. He says, but in my totally unofficial random search of my contacts on my phone, I. I have 11 different gay Davids.
[00:04:46] Speaker A: That would be a good one too. Yeah.
[00:04:52] Speaker B: I would actually tend to agree with the answer that this podcast came up with with their research.
And they came up with Matt or Matthew.
[00:05:04] Speaker A: What about Richard?
[00:05:06] Speaker B: Well, Richard too. Yes. They didn't come up with that one though. But that is a lovely name that.
[00:05:12] Speaker A: Has, well, and, and a lot of this is be. It centers around.
And I mentioned this a little bit earlier, you know, the age brackets.
[00:05:23] Speaker B: Sure.
[00:05:24] Speaker A: So for instance, you know, Richard and Robert are two would be two very popular names in a generation before me.
[00:05:35] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:05:37] Speaker A: And I, you know, I knew a lot of Richards and Roberts, Bob that are older than me, that are gay and you know, but Matt. Yeah, I could see that. I could see Matt, Matthew being, being a leader there for sure.
[00:05:56] Speaker B: So out there, if you're, if your name is Matt or Matthew and you're listening, you want to give us a shout out. Aging. Yes, I am@aging. Gayfully.com is how you reach us if you're out there and your name is David.
Yes, I am@aging gayfly.com. let us know. Let us know.
[00:06:18] Speaker A: Yeah, because we always want to know.
[00:06:22] Speaker B: That's right.
So we had a topic all planned and ready. And then I had the last couple weeks that I had and I, I think that it was time for me to sit here and call up on the mountain for the wisdom of the old graybeard that is that, that graces my graces my screen here.
[00:06:46] Speaker A: I see gray on the other screen here too. Not as much, but not as much.
[00:06:50] Speaker B: As salt and pepper. Yeah, mostly salt.
[00:06:55] Speaker A: But.
[00:06:58] Speaker B: So I think that this week I just want to have some wisdom from on high.
And one of the things that you talk about all the time is finding your comfort zone, stepping into your comfort zone. Okay, so what does that mean to you, stepping into your comfort zone?
[00:07:16] Speaker A: Well, we often hear, I think the common term is stepping out of your comfort zone. Yes.
And, you know, and I, you know, I get what that means in one sense. You know, here's an example that I can use for myself. I stayed in a job for 10 years because it was easy. It was my comfort zone.
Did that benefit me, really? Probably not.
But I've learned over the years that stepping into your comfort zone means following your heart's desire, following your dreams, being a pioneer in what you want to do and finding that comfort zone to do it.
You know, so it's actually, it's kind of like a challenge.
It's a self challenge to step into your comfort zone. And maybe that comes from me being a dreamer per se, where I, you know, I, you know, I've got nine zillion ideas about what I want to do and what I can do. But then, you know, stepping into the comfort zone to doing them is removing all the noise that has been filtered into your brain over the years about what you can and cannot do and focusing on what you can do and not worrying about what other people think or say or the impressions that.
That might linger. And, you know, here's another. Here's an example. I won't mention his name because he is a friend, even though I haven't seen him a while. When I first started podcasting way back in, I don't know, 2013, I think, is the first time I did a podcast on my own.
And I was, you know, I was like, goodness, I had. Was pretty excited. I had a thousand downloads for an episode. And this person said to me, well, why would anybody listen to what you had to say?
[00:09:27] Speaker B: Oh, and this was a friend.
[00:09:29] Speaker A: Yeah, you know, and that's.
And that message over the years has, you know, those things kind of lingered. Now, some people can blow it off and just say, hey, you know, doesn't mean it wasn't a funny comment or what. But, you know, it's those types of comments that can stick with people.
And I just said, well, you know, it does come up from time to time, but this is my comfort zone. I love being behind the, behind the microphone, you know, whether it's one person listening or, I don't know, 10,000 people listening.
Stepping into your comfort zone and doing what you really want to do, manifesting your talents and Skills to the, to the best that you can do. And you know, you. Here's another thing that you mentioned earlier.
You know, about bowling.
Now, that was one of my dreams. I did it. Was I.
Was I a star bowler on the pro Bowler store? No, but I did it. I mean, I know, I know where my talents and skills were. I stepped into my comfort zone and that experience has always benefited me because one of the, one of the things I learned early on and that you can apply these to your life skills.
Every time I stepped out, stepped on the approach, grabbed the ball and got set, I knew I was going to strike.
That's the mindset you had to have.
If you got up there and you were having a bad game or whatever, you had the defeatist attitude. Well, what's going to happen when you have that defeatist attitude? It's probably going to come to fruition.
So every time I stepped out on that approach, I knew I was going to strike.
I knew I was going to bowl a 300 game.
That's the confidence that you have in your own talents and skills to step into your comfort zone.
[00:11:48] Speaker B: Okay, so you know that you're going to bullish strike and, but then you don't. Then, then where does your mind go?
[00:11:56] Speaker A: You pick up, go to the next frame and, and have the same attitude and make any adjustments that you need to make in order to accomplish your goal. You know, so, for instance, I just love talking bowling. So.
[00:12:13] Speaker B: Welcome to your number one gay.
[00:12:15] Speaker A: Bowling podcast, you gay bowling ball goodness. Don't get me going.
[00:12:20] Speaker B: Go grab your balls and let's go.
[00:12:23] Speaker A: Oh, there could be a lot of met hours on that one. So, you know, like for instance, when there's more to. To championship bowling than just picking up the ball and throwing it down the lane, each lane is different, each bowling ball reacts different, and you sometimes have to throw it at a different speed or you have to have a different spin on it. I mean, it's just not, you know, it's just not like being Fred, Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble getting up and at bedrock and just throwing the damn ball down the lane. There's some thought that goes to it, but with that, you have to make adjustments along the way.
You can't just, you just can't stay in that comfort zone if the result that you were looking for didn't come to fruition.
And I can give numerous examples about if I just would have, if I just would have moved positions one frame earlier, how much better. But you know, again, it's that mindset you know, it's like, are you comfortable? Are you comfortable here?
When are you going to step into the next, your next comfort zone?
And that's kind of been my philosophy of, you know, trying new things. I want to step into my comfort zone. You know, it's like, oh, I'm going to call this guy Josh up and see if he wants to do a podcast because he's a cool guy. But if I didn't step into my comfort zone and reach out, it probably never would have happened.
[00:14:11] Speaker B: It's so interesting that I've known you for as long as I've known you and you've said this phrase, step into your comfort zone since I've known you, but I've never really understood it until this moment.
[00:14:23] Speaker A: Yeah, it's, you know, maybe I just, it fits for me.
[00:14:29] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:14:29] Speaker A: And I've used it, I've used it in presentations and again, it's kind of like a self challenging component.
[00:14:43] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:14:43] Speaker A: Because we're so used to hearing about staying in your comfort zone. Well, I, you know, I want to step into my comfort zone.
I don't want to linger in one particular comfort. I want to move to the next one because that's when you grow.
That's why I use that example of staying in my job at Catholic Charities. I stayed in that job for 10 years.
Why?
Because it was comfortable.
I knew it from the back of my hand. I could walk in and, and just, it was like almost robotic.
But what challenged me at that time, not a whole lot.
So stepping into your comfort zone is challenging, but it's so beneficial because I think it's safe to say that every one of us has a dream of something that they want to do.
And what's the practicality of that dream? Well, you know, I understand, like, you know, we'll just use the two of us as example. I'm single, I don't have kids, so I can take a little bit more risk in some sense than what somebody like yourself who's raising a family, you know. You know, you know, there's. So there's some nuances in this that, that certainly apply, but I still think it comes down to finding that comfort that you're looking for and stepping into it.
You know, what are your talents and skills? What are you, are you using your talents and skills to the, to the best of their abilities?
[00:16:54] Speaker B: It sounds a little bit like this idea of manifesting. Are you familiar with this?
[00:16:59] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:17:00] Speaker B: Is it, Is it.
Would you draw a parallel between the two?
[00:17:05] Speaker A: Well, I, I think it's definitely A parallel between, you know, manifesting your own happiness, as I think, is what you're getting at there.
[00:17:18] Speaker B: Yeah. And it's basically for people who don't, who aren't living inside my brain, which is most people.
When I say that, it's this idea that I've seen all over recently of basically thinking good things into the universe and the universe will make it so. Now I'm oversimplifying it there. I really am. But that's basically the idea. And then the opposite is that when you are thinking negatively and negative thoughts and you will receive from the universe negative outcome.
[00:17:56] Speaker A: Well, I got to think about this, how I want to phrase this.
If, if you're engulfed in negativity, then that's what you're going to manifest.
If you're engulfed in positivity, well, you know, there'll be some challenging days.
But maybe the analogy is, are you a half empty glass or a half full glass?
And I think a lot of that has to do with are you into, have you stepped into your comfort zone?
You know, if you feel like you having to do something just for the sake of having to do it. And you know, there are many credible examples of that. You know, you just things that you have to do even though you don't want to do them. Yeah.
And I'm not pooh, poohing any of that.
But there comes a point when enough's enough.
Like again, I'm going to use the Catholic Charities example. There was a day when enough was enough and I went in and resigned. Didn't have anything to go to, but I knew that I had an enough was enough and was easier for me because one sense, I'm only taking care of myself.
But there's so many folks out there that are trapped because of their circumstances.
And how do you balance that? I, you know, I don't, I don't have any words of wisdom there because, you know, I've only been kind of a breadwinner for myself.
[00:20:00] Speaker B: Sure, sure.
But I mean, it also sounds like it's tied into this idea of if you're looking for the positive, then you'll see the positive. If you're looking for the negative, then you'll see the negative.
[00:20:19] Speaker A: Well, yeah, I think that's spot on.
Mm.
And when you're balancing those two, what attracts you more?
If you find yourself that you're attracted more to the negative side of it, things or opportunities or, you know, the what ifs, then you're probably not willing to step into your comfort zone and pursue what you really want to pursue. And I'm not saying I'm a hundred percent adhering to this. You know, there's, I have numerous doubts, especially with all the different projects that I've got my hands in. But one thing is that, and if I'm just talking about myself, you know, I've really have never given up.
You know, I've pursued the film project, I've pursued the network, I've pursued, you know, the aging, gayfully, you know, well, I did quit bowling, but that's, you know, that has more to do with age than, than desire because, you know, the competitive side of me is still there. I mean, I watch, I watch some of the bowling reels now. I said, ah, you know, I could dust off the shoes in the ball, but then my body would probably fall, fall apart as I threw the ball down the lane. But, you know, it's that desire, you know, where is your desire?
Is that desire in the, in the happy zone?
[00:22:17] Speaker B: I've seen so many seniors who have just kind of assumed that, okay, well, I, I can't try anything new. I can't do anything new. It's too.
[00:22:38] Speaker A: Yeah, I, I've seen that quite a bit also.
But I've also seen the other side of it where they just continue to do what they can do and accept whatever limitations age brings to them, yet live life to the fullest up until the last day.
And I think a lot of that, you know, some, a lot of it has to do with certainly attitude and capabilities. But, you know, we've both seen in our careers, you know, the, the body is willing, but the mind is not.
[00:23:22] Speaker B: Or the opposite or the opposite.
[00:23:24] Speaker A: And you know, I, I, I, I can't, I don't know what, now wait a minute. I think I do know what's worse.
What's worse when the mind is gone and the body is in shape, what's worse there is for the people who are attached to the person who's lost on the other side is when the body is given out, but the mind is, is active, that's really more personal to the person because they recognize that they're, they're diminished, their capabilities have, are diminished. You know, was one worse than the other? I think they're both equally as bad. They just impact people differently.
[00:24:16] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, that's very true. That's very true. So getting back to this idea of stepping into your comfort zone, if, if someone is listening out there and they say, okay, Chris, well, this is the first I've heard of it put that way, and I really, really dig what you're, you're slinging, daddy. Oh, like what stats, daddy.
[00:24:33] Speaker A: Oh, I like that. Yeah, it's pretty cool, Daddy.
[00:24:36] Speaker B: That's modern as of 50 years ago.
[00:24:39] Speaker A: What's, what's.
[00:24:40] Speaker B: What first steps does one take into stepping into their comfort zone?
[00:24:47] Speaker A: I think it can be as simplistic as I don't know if you can see the sign behind me today because I'm having trou my camera, but if you can dream it, you can do it.
And I think another example and I, because I've gotten hooked on YouTube watching, watching all these seniors who have picked up and have gone on ex travel expeditions all throughout the world. Yeah, I've watched the seniors, especially some of the Brits who have picked up out of England and have gone to France and are redoing chateaus.
[00:25:36] Speaker B: Oh, interesting.
[00:25:37] Speaker A: Yeah. So, you know, and I, I really cued into the, the senior traveler because really, in essence that's something that aging gayfully is really wanting to do. But the time right now isn't right.
Not because the desire isn't there, just the, the home dynamics that, that we're currently, we're currently under. But that doesn't mean that the desire to step into that's not there because it's a. What will. What if I do it when I'm 70? Well, you know, that's just a year and a half away.
Yeah, why not?
It's be a lot easier than going on the, on the Senior Pro Bowler tour.
True, true, true. But there was, I did, I have to say I did see a video just the other day of a senior woman in her 80s bowling a 300 game.
[00:26:43] Speaker B: Oh, I've never done that throughout any part of my life, so.
[00:26:48] Speaker A: Well, you just got to get with the right crowd here. I think you're, you're getting there, you know, you're getting there.
[00:26:54] Speaker B: No, this is not one of the things I want to settle into my comfort zone with.
[00:26:58] Speaker A: You don't want to be, you don't want to have a 300 game?
[00:27:00] Speaker B: No, I'm all right. I'm good.
[00:27:03] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:27:03] Speaker B: I, I had a very short little history on a bowling team when I was like 10 or 11 or something.
Yeah, I'm all right. It's so interesting thinking about that though, because bowling in the 70s and early 80s was such a thing because you go into the, the bowling alley and it, everything smelled a certain way. And by a certain way, I mean it smelled like feet and cigarettes and. Yeah, no, it was such an interesting thing. It's Very evocative.
[00:27:35] Speaker A: Yeah. Bowling's making quite a comeback.
[00:27:37] Speaker B: Is it?
[00:27:38] Speaker A: Yeah, making quite. When I look at the, watch these videos and see all the different.
What's the, what would be the right, I don't have the right word because I'm not up with all the terms, but I, I, I see.
What I see is much different than what I experienced.
And from what I read about it, what little I read about it, it's very positive. There's, there is a resurgence in bowling. Okay. And yeah, I still have, you know, you know, it's kind of like those things you have in your life that you can, you, they may not be present, but they, they're never left. They've never left.
[00:28:22] Speaker B: Oh, I love that. I love that.
I'd love to hear what, what you all have to say out there about this idea of stepping into your comfort.
[00:28:32] Speaker A: What, what, what, what perpetrated this conversation? I'm going to turn.
[00:28:37] Speaker B: Heavens. It's just been a long couple of weeks. It's been a long couple of weeks. And, and you know, part of it really has to do with me gaining perspective. There's plenty that I do during that, my day that's wonderful, where I get to interface with wonderful people.
And I think that I just need to have a bit of a perspective change. That's why I love talking to you, because it's, it's, it's definitely a perspective change for me. I appreciate it.
[00:29:03] Speaker A: Well, are you still doing your poetry? Because that was, I mean, that was awesome, the poetry that you were writing.
[00:29:09] Speaker B: Well, thank you. But I, one of the things that I do is I will toggle between writing, painting, and doing music. So those are my three fun little hobbies that I do when I just want to do stuff for me. And so I had a long stretch of poetry and writing, and now I'm back in my music phase. So I'll do that for another few months. And then I have a, an exhibition scheduled for January, so probably around November I'll go into my painting phase and do that. So. No, that's, that's kind of how it goes with me.
[00:29:44] Speaker A: A polar bear on a beach. I've come, I'm, I've been waiting for the polar bear on a beach with an umbrella. Look, look.
[00:29:51] Speaker B: Can you see? I'm moving. He's right there. Can you see that? Wait, yeah, See that?
[00:29:57] Speaker A: Yeah, I see it. I just, it's just bear. Just got to be white and a rainbow, Rainbow umbrella. And we, you know, we've got the market, but, you know, we'll see.
Josh, you just got to step into your comfort zone.
[00:30:12] Speaker B: I hear you.
I hear you.
All right. How can people get in touch with us?
[00:30:17] Speaker A: It's very easy. You can email us at yes, I am Aging Gayfully.com. yes, I am. I am at Agely@aging gayfully.com and you know, I keep talking about this, but there is a new website coming when I step into my comfort zone to do it.
[00:30:33] Speaker B: Okay. Do you want to say what that is or no?
[00:30:36] Speaker A: No, because it's again, I'm in the middle of tidying up the film project.
I've got the template picked out for the, for the new website, but it's again, prior, not prioritizing. It's segmenting. Segmenting the time.
[00:30:54] Speaker B: I understand.
[00:30:55] Speaker A: In order to do it.
[00:30:56] Speaker B: I understand.
[00:30:57] Speaker A: But yes, I am ataginggay philly.com.
[00:31:00] Speaker B: All right, well, we're looking forward to hearing from you all out there. And Chris, thank you. You've definitely made me feel better.
[00:31:05] Speaker A: There we go. And Josh, I have a. I have a question for you before you go.
[00:31:09] Speaker B: Go ahead.
[00:31:10] Speaker A: We can follow up on this because we had this discussion at home here because we needed to get the hair dryer out to fix something on one of the tables. I didn't know that hair dryers, if you put heat on a, on a stain on a table, that it will take the blemish out and you polish it. It was like magic. But I want to know, and we can talk about this next time, how many bald headed people out there own a hair dryer?
Okay. Okay.
[00:31:42] Speaker B: Yes, I am@ageing gayfully.com right in. If you're bald, you own a hair dryer.
[00:31:48] Speaker A: See you next time.
[00:31:49] Speaker B: Alrighty. Bye.
[00:31:50] Speaker A: Now.
Sa.
